He is such a slut. More and more my type.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
