i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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