Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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