Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
