In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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