If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
