Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
