Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
