She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
