We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
