Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
