It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
