Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
