I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
