Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
