I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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