I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
