hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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