I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
