I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
