As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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