what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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