It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Less talking, more tequila
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
