What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize