ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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