Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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