How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
