i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
