Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
