trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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