Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
