You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found puke in my bra..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you never un-have a 4some
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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