i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
