Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just cut my nipple shaving
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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