I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
PANTIES FOUND
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