My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
