I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
