I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
