Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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