@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
