its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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