Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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