You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
