will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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