i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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