I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
