At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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