What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
