I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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