I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
