i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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