i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
