so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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