I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I want is dick and wine.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
