It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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