Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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