You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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