Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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