Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
