It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
