me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
