idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
