when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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