If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
