So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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