but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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