Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
