How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
