who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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