I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
