We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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